Party fears two!

There’s nothing like the prospect of a Christmas party for bringing out the subtle differences between the sexes. Many a silent night has been shattered by a blazing row at the bus stop – and that’s before you get there! Luckily this year help is at hand in the shape of that perfect couple Kim Wilde and Nick Heyward. Just follow their step-by-step guide to pre-party pitfalls. And watch your step…

6:00 – It’s six o’clock on a Saturday night. Prime party preparation time. Actually Kim’s been in that bath for nearly forty minutes now, radio blaring, conveniently drowning out the sound of her dad hammering on the door. As it’s a special occasion Nick’s reluctantly decided to have a quick ‘wash’.

6:10 – Drying your hair is always a tricky business. Get it wrong first time and you can’t do a damn thing with it. Like most men, Nick hates shaving. as you can see he’s given himself a nasty cut there. Never the best thing for improving the temper of even the most patient male.

6:30 – Kim’s been engaged for the last 20 minutes, much to Nick’s frustration. Kim’s calling her best friend Vicky who she’ll be seeing later. There are vital matters to be discussed like what to wear, who’ll be there, and other important things. It’s a wonder Nick’s ears aren’t burning.

6:45 – Nick’s finally got through. She’s agreed to meet him first. But “Don’t you dare wear that horrible cowboy outfit”, instructs Kim. Shame. Nick thought it was rather nice. How long will she be? Ooh ages yet. “Be there on time”, he snaps.

7:30 – How can you concentrate on your make-up when you’ve got a disgruntled male trying to hurry you up? What did I say wrong, Nick wonders, now on his fourth lager, his 19th cigarette and with the Walkman turned up far too loud. “I wasn’t that keen on her anyway”, he tries to convince himself.

8:00 – Nick’s there on the dot. He’s got the nagging beginnings of a nasty headache and he’s wishing he hadn’t had that last lager. Pity really because Kim’s having second thoughts about that brand new dress. Definitely a mistake, she decides finally. Oh well, I’m just going to have to get changed again…

8:30 – Nick’s about to give up and go home and start some serious drinking, when – “Hello darling!” – Kim arrives looking like a million dollars, if not more.

8:35 – Who could resist one of Kim’s kisses? Certainly not Nick. Notice that, try as he might, that stern expression is starting to look like a smile…

9:00 – A bottle of champagne, a few balloons, lots of loud music – and suddenly it’s Christmas! Well, we had to have a happy ending, didn’t we?