Personal file

Name: Kim Smith
Born: 18/11/60. I’m 26 this year so I’d better start lying about my age. I was born in St. Mary’s Hospital, Chiswick, London.

What was the naughtiestt thing you did as a child?
Stealing was the worst one. I stole some sweets belonging to this person in my class – he had them and I wanted them. I never got caught, I think it was because I was at boarding school – at a college in Dulwich for about a year when I was 7 or 8 – and it was more a way of stating my dissatisfaction at being there because my dad was very busy. I think I felt rejected. My parents agree it wasn’t a good idea now – I’ve forgiven them.

First concert: Johnny Nash (60’s soul singer) at the Alexandra Palace. I was about 10 or 11. I loved it – it was quite an experience because I was one of the few white people there. He had a big white coat on. I loved the atmosphere and the fact that they were all there to listen to music. I used to go and see my dada in cabaret before then – I suppose I was in awe of him.

First crush: I guess it was a kid at boarding school. His name’s always on the tip of my tongue but I can’t remember it. All I can remember about him was that he didn’t like me that much. He preferred a girl called Natalie who was ever so pretty. I didn’t like her and I remeber feeling rejected. I liked him because he could tell the time and he had his own wristwatc. I thought that was tremendous. Ever since then I’ve always had a penchant for men with clever minds, more brains than looks. Intelligence counts with me.

What’s your house like?
It’s in North London near Regents Park. I live on my own in a two-bedroomed apartment. There’s a large living room and dining room and a bedroom which, in my words, “looks like a brothel”. The walls are deep blue and turquoise and there’s red velvet curtais and gold sprayed around the picture rails and on the doors and the dressing tables – very deep and passionate colours. It’s supposed to be typical Scorpio. It’s very bohemian. I think it looks very beautiful, I wanted it to look theatrical – but a lot of people think is tacky.

Is it true you blew up a tin of Frankfurters on your primus stove while caravanning in France this summer?
Er… no, I didn’t. We were in this campervan wich isn’t that primitive. Me and three friends drove down there. We found this deserted camp site and we virtually had our own beach – it was wonderful. We had a barbeque one night – some people were having a bonfire and we asked them if they wanted to join us and we made some great friends but it was a bit embarrassing the next day because we’d be lying there topless sunbathing and they’d say hello.

When you eat boiled eggs…
How do I take the top off?! Well, I haven’t had a boiled egg for ages but I smash them on the head then I peel off the stuff and then I cut off the white bit and put it on the side of the plate. That lumpy bit at the top I don’t much care for.

Who would you rather pilotted you in an aeroplane? A) “Fergie”; b) Gary Numan; c) Andrew Ridgeley; d) Ped from Frankie Goes to Hollywood?
Oh god, Fergie definitely. I prefer women drivers any day – men drivers all drive far too fast and recklessly, like they’re that French driver – Prost!
Gary Numan? I wouldn’t ever get in a plane with someone who’d crashed a plane. No way.
Andrew Ridgeley? Well he’s crashed a car so I wouldn’t get in a car or a plane with him!
Ped? Well, going on his mad and wild reputation I still think I’d go for Fergie. She seems to be taking it very sensibly.

What’s your favourite Samantha Fox record?
Ha ha. What is there? “Touch Me”… I was in a club once and they were playing a 12” Version of that and she was making funny squeaky noises all over it and I thought that was really funny. It was so silly. I’m not really au fait with her other records.

When did you last have your fortune told?
I never had. Not seriously. I don’t get involved in that kind of thing. I read my stars and I’m very interested in that but my interest verges on fear because I’m quite a firm believer in fate and things being predestined. It’s not so much what will happen to me as the everybody else in the same boat as well. Not necessarily the bomb but along those lines – world attitudes, war.

When did you last hit someone?
I’m not really one for hitting people. I think it was an old boyfriend of mine – I gave him a good thump. To tell you the truth, I’m not very good arguing – I’ve become much better now which is probably why I haven’t hit anyone for along time – but at that point I wasn’t. He was far more eloquent and there’s nothing more annoying than someone who, even if they’re wrong, can win through verbals. So I resorted to a thump.

Have you ever had a job?
Yes! The first job I had was a Saturday job disbudding carnations in a greenhouse with my best friends. Then I cleaned my piano teacher’s house, I worked at Harrods for a short time selling dresses – I was very good at that – and I worked as a cleaner in a hospital. That was a lot of fun because of the people. I did it with a friend who ended up being accosted in a broom cupboard by his porter trying to have his wicked way. No one ever tried it on with me though.

Favourite phrase: It’s french. “A l’heure c’est pas l’heure / Avant l’heure c’est pas l’heure / Et après l’heure c’est plus l’heure.” It means “the hour is the hour. Before the hour is too soon and after the hour is too late.”

What’s your worst fault?
I think I’m rude sometimes. It’s not intentional. Mostly it’s when you’re caught up in your own life and you take it out on other people. Something bad happens to you and some defenceless person comes in and says “would you like a cup of tea?” and I say “no I don’t want a cup of tea!” and they’re left wondering what they did wrong. Ha ha… my friends are calling me Your Royal Top tenness at the moment!

Have you ever thought that you were a city centre?
Have I ever thought I was a city centre??? Never!!! Julian Cope did? Well, he’s talking in universal terms there. He’s the sort of person who thinks there’s a universe on his fingernails. But if we’re talking really being city centres, no, that hasn’t been an overriding thought of late.

What’s the best way of getting bubblegum out of your hair?
That happened to me once. My best friend whacked it on my head – I had to cut it out. The cut bit stuck up for ages. Janet Jackson says you use peanut butter? How does that work? Because of the grease? I suppose I’ii do that next time. Use Sunpat! Not crunchy though. This is an absurd conversation!