Kim Wilde is already working in showbusiness for 14 years and has made many superhits during that time. Her alter ego Kim Smith is exactly 35 years old on November 18. However proud she is on what she has achieved as a singer, she's not really happy. Her lovelife has often been disappointing.
No-one believes me when I say that Ive only been really happy for about eight minutes in my life. Okay, I've had experiences you can only describe in one word: 'fantastic'! But they are all situated in the professional domain: countless number one hits, touring with Michael Jackson, making a soul-oriented album like my new cd 'Now And Forever'... Despite the success I often feel very lonely.
You are beautiful, intelligent and nice to be with. How can you feel so desolate?
In love I have never been lucky. I remember that I was crazy about this John when my first single was released. He didn't want to get to know me and because I was always on the road to promote my record, I buried the last chance I had. Later I thought I'd found Mr. Right a couple of times: tv-presenter Chris Evans from 'The Big Breakfast', pop star Calvin Hayes and not so long ago a car racer. But when I gave my trust to someone, it was put to shame. I was always left behind. That's why I even lost my will to live at some point. When I was thirty I moved from London to a cottage in Hertforshire. Even though I had everything I wanted there, I felt very unhappy. I wasn't able to do anything. I realised I had invested everything in my career and nothing in my happiness. It all fell apart. My cd's flopped, I gained weight like crazy and I was carrying around such negativity that no-one seemed to find me attractive or interesting.
How did you get out of that?
It was a gradual process. I came at peace with myself. I engrossed myself in philosophy. 'Breaking away', my new single, tells that story in a way. I have left certain expectations of life and also left my past behind. I know I have to move on. With my exes it went wrong because I was naive in thinking I could change thm. Now I know that's impossible and I have drawn my conclusions out of that. Don't ask me why, but I fear that the family happiness I've had at home, will never be mine to have. That's why I've learned to live with myself. And with my cats, the best friends I have. I don't live for my job anymore, but I work to live. When I'm not in the studio or on tour, I concentrate on painting or a French course. You know what I've done regularly over the past four years? Going out with my backpack. Travelling, but not for work. Discovering Thailand and Australia was a revelation for me. Soon I'll go to the Grand Canyon. I also go out regularly, but not with the intention of finding a man. I usually go to the London disco's where a lot of gay men come. I feel good around them.
That's why you will celebrate your birthday with a special performance in the biggest gay club in London?
Yes, I wanted to do that because I think I can finally have real fun there. Lately I'm much more streetwise than I was before. That's a positive evolution. I have found out that you don't need jet set parties to feel good. In the presence of my best friends and the people that are important for me, I want to lose it completely. It's going to be a unique concert, in which I will do an acapella version of 'Kids in America'. I think I will wear a great outfit. And that I will use a watergun on the audience. Just have fun! I want to prove that I have learnt to put things into perspective and that I have found balance. Now that I know what I want and who I am, the light may be green for total happiness!