Oh Mister Songwriter

Song written by Vic Reeves and Steve McGuire. It was released in 1991 on the B-side of the single ‘Born Free’ by Vic Reeves and the Roman Numerals.

Kim Wilde performed the song at the end of the New Year’s Eve programme Vic Reeves New Year’s Eve Big Night Out just after midnight on 1 January 1991.


Oh mister songwriter
Write me a song on your trumpet
Make it a good song
So that everyone in the world can sing along

Oh mister painter
Do us a picture with your brush
Make it easy on the eye
So the children of the world can live in peace

Oh mister carpenter
Knock us up a chair out of wood
Make it comfortable and attractive
So that the old people of the world can have a good sitdown

Oh mister weaver
Weave me a tapestry with your golden twine
Make it thick baby
So that the lovers all over the world can rest easy

Oh mister nutgatherer
Gather me some chestnuts from the wood
Lay them willynilly in the coalfield
So that the fire is easier done

Oh mister songwriter
Oh mister songwriter
Yes mister songwriter
Write me a song