Star Test

12 January 1989
Channel 4 (UK)

A 25 minute program in which Kim is interviewed by a computer. She has to choose categories themselves, and then a selection of questions is posed to her. It is a very calm, composed interview, in an almost futuristic setting.

Hello Kim.

Welcome to Star Test. Please make yourself comfortable. Relax. Enjoy yourself. Here are nine categories of questions. Please select a category by simply touching the screen.
Health & Happiness.

How important is what you wear and why?
It’s important to me. Why it’s important to me? Well, I think what you wear is kind of an expression of how you see life and so I think it’s important to communicate that to other people. We are after all all living together. I don’t see this world is full of isolated human beings just going through life for themselves, so I think it’s important to communicate and clothes can do that, as well as other things.

What small things in life really make you feel good?
Flying kites, children, buying penny sweets in sweetshops, waking up and seeing the sunshine, like this morning…

When was the last time you laughed till you cried?
It was the other night, and I went out with a couple of guys who used to be in my very first band, and one of them I hadn’t seen in a very long time and he showed me a video of me doing ‘Chequered love’ on Top of the Pops in about 1982 or something, that was a very funny experience.

How fussy are you about what you eat?
Not too fussy, but I watch what I eat, I’m careful to eat things that I think are good for me, and I’m quite aware of the foods that I think are good for me. I think you have to listen to your body as far as food is concerned.

How many hours of sleep do you need?
Well, as many as possible. I have a nickname for people who know me quite well I’m known as the dormouse of rock, and eh… it’s a fairly heavy label I can tell you. And I deserve it too, I love sleeping, it’s one of my favourite pastimes. It’s very good for me.

How do you like to spend your Sundays?
I like wandering around a certain hill in London, and wandering around bric-a-brac shops, book shops and antique shops, reading papers and just relaxing.

Who makes you laugh?
My dad, my brother, and a few other people. Ben Elton makes me laugh.

Please select a category by simply touching the screen.
Bread & Butter. 

How generous are you?
I’m generous. 

What was the most expensive single item you’ve bought?
A lamp, I think. I fell in love with one when I was in Paris.

Do you worry about money?
Worry about money? I’m in a fortunate position not to worry about money.

Would you carry on working as you are now if there was no money in it?
I don’t know.

How old were you when you became financially independent?
When I had a hit with ‘Kids in America’, when I was twenty… one?

How much did you spend yesterday?
Quite a lot, actually. I bought a wedding present for a friend, I bought a present for my father who’s fifty on Saturday, I bought myself a nice pair of sunglasses because the sun’s shining at the moment, it ran into the hundreds…

How happy has money made you?
Well, it’s helped me acquire things that make me happy. On its own, of course, it doesn’t make me happy.


What’s your favourite movie?
‘Some like it hot’.

Do you take sugar in tea?

Who’s your favourite actor?
Gene Hackman.

What’s your favourite book?
Don’t have one.

Which is your favourite city?

Do you like gooseberries?

Do you prefer vodka or gin?

What’s your favourite sport?

What’s your natural haircolour?
That (points to the root of her hair).

What colour are your eyes?

What’s your favourite TV programme?
The New Statesman.

Do you like Michael Jackson?
Yes. (Laughs)

What car do you drive?
A Mitsubishi.

Where did you last go on holiday?
A few weeks ago, skiing.

Have you got green fingers?
(Looks at fingers) Yes.

Please select a category by simply touching the screen.
Inside & Out.

When do you get your best ideas?
Mostly when I’m driving in my car.

How do you cope with stress?
A little bit of exercise and… I don’t know I cope with it as well as I should.

How much do you like looking at yourself in the mirror?
It depends on what I’m looking like. There are moments when I can’t bear it and there are other moments when I think ‘mmmmmmm’.

How shy are you?
I don’t think I’m shy at all.

Is there a recurring dream you have?
Apart from the one about the bananas, there’s a dream I had about being chased, being chased relentlessly and violently… horribly. It was dreadful.

What are your irritating habits?
Well I don’t know because no-one tells me what they are.

How much do you need to be in control of things?
Oh I quite like to keep control to other people. I mean I like to have control but I’m very happy for others to have it.

What brings out the worst in you?
When I’m tired, when I’m not well and when I feel someone is undermining my intelligence. I hate that.

Reveal a secret about yourself.
Well… No I don’t think I will. There aren’t many secrets really. I’m a bit of an open book.

Now please select a new category.
Power & Glory.

How nervous do you get before a performance?
I think I get more nervous than I realise. And I absorb it. And I don’t release it for a long time, and it’s not until months later that I realise how nervous I was and that’s kind of a classic stress symptom. It’s very dangerous, it kills people. So I ought to take care.

Who are your heroes?
Heroes… No heroes.

Were you born lucky?
I think so.

How much do you owe your fans?
I owe them a lot. Because without them, my records wouldn’t have done anything. So I owe them a lot.

What do you most like about being famous?
I like the way it gives you access to more people, in that when you walk down the street, people come up to talk to you. I feel like the world’s become my friend – well, the countries who know who I am. I think it’s very nice.

What gives you a sense of real achievement?
Going to the top of the black run on a mountain and getting to the bottom.

Did you win any prizes at school?
I won the art prize. It was a book.

How strong is your willpower?
It’s not terribly strong.

Who will you stand next to in the hall of fame?
Someone shorter than me, I think. Sheena Easton, maybe?

What is the secret of your success?
Well it’s a secret for me, whatever it is. I would have to say it’s hard work, but who would believe me?

To what extent do you need other people’s approval?
I think to quite a large extent. I’m such a little puppy.

The whole truth and nothing but…

Please concentrate hard on answering the questions in this section truthfully. If you appear not to be telling the whole truth, you will forfeit the chance to show your video. From the five questions that follow, you may pass on just two.

How much of your success do you owe to your father?
I would say an awful lot, since he co-wrote all the early hits and still writes hits for me, he wrote ‘Four letter word’, so I would say an enormous amount I owe to him.

Did you regard it as a snub that Michael Jackson didn’t mix with you more on the recent tour?
No, not at all. I swear I didn’t feel snubbed. I felt very honoured to be asked to be on the tour. And I think anyone who felt snubbed after being chosen to be on the tour for four months and given that opportunity would – I don’t know I think it would be really uncool. So, no, I didn’t feel snubbed at all. I thought it was a bit strange and not the kind of thing I would do, but I’m not him, and he ain’t me.

Does it worry you that men fantasize about you?
Worry me? (Laughs) No, it doesn’t worry me. Do they?

You now have 30 seconds to plug your latest video.
It’s a montage of images of esoteric ideas. It’s really… It’s hard to describe really. It’s more a combination of… Very esoteric and very deep. And artistic, very artistic. It’s something you can’t even put into words. It’s very difficult to say what it is really.

Now please select a new category.
Sweet & Sour.

Which is your best physical feature?
My mum and me reckon it’s my nose.

What do you most like about yourself?
I think I’m very gullible. It’s always a bit of a mystery how gullible I can be.

What sort of people make you feel uncomfortable?
Unhappy people.

Would you change anything in your life?
Not much.

Which part of your body might you choose to change?
Well… I quite like the idea of having a sort of… smaller waist. It could get smaller from my waist downwards as far as I’m concerned and I’d be most pleased.

What sort of people do you most like?
I like people who like me. I like people who are funny, warm and natural. And kind.

What do you most fear?
I fear for the world as regards to the environmental issues, I worry about that. I fear that we’re destroying it far too quickly and maybe irreversibly. I fear for the safety of our planet.

What’s the best reason for being alive?
To live your life. Can’t think of a better reason. To really live it. And share it.

Now please select a new category.
Love and passion.

What are your passions?
I have a passion for music, for people, laughing, for paintings, for people who create. For good wine.

To what extent do you let your emotions show?
To a greater extent, I think.

Who do you most love?
(Points at nose.)

Do you prefer to spend time in male or female company?
I don’t really mind. It depends on their personality.

Do you fall in love easily?
Don’t think so.

How did you feel when you last fell in love?

Who was your first love?
It was a little boy at school. Had gorgeous golden hair and right down to there (points to shoulder).

Are you romantic?
Yes. I think I am.

Did you send a card last Valentine’s day?
No, but I don’t think they’re very romantic.

Self analysis

How do you feel at the end of the interview?
Well, I’m just wondering if we’re near Portobello Road, because I quite fancy going shopping.

Has it been an interesting experience?
Who for?

Have you learned anything about yourself?

What question would you have like to have been asked?
I can’t think of one, I don’t actually like being asked questions very much.

You are now being invited to select five characteristics from the on screen menu which you feel best illustrate your personality.
Well, I think I’m ‘imaginative’, ‘out-going’, ‘sensitive’, ‘funny’ and… ‘gentle’.